Whatever Heat. Seeing this picture reminds me of the annoying guy at work that has the highest sales every month. You hate him, but he's awesome........

Philly is kicking our ass........

OK, so here we go....I'm about to rant hard on this complete joke of a negotiation with Cliff Lee.

These past 2 days have been a disgrace in Dallas. On Sunday, the Cowboys defense collapsed again to the Eagles at home. Hey Cowboys, its called run defense, learn it. Oh whats that? The offense kept going 3 and out and you got tired during the second half? Figures, it's the same ole song and dance.

And here comes Monday. Mavs have a 20 point lead to the.....uhhhhh.....Milwaukee Bucks only to lose it. Mavs have a gauntlet coming up with Phoenix, Portland, Miami, Orlando, and OKC and this is what they do? Way to go.

And then Monday night we get the worst news of all.......

Lee signs with the Phillies, 5 years at 100 million. Yes, the Phillies. The same team that told him "thanks, but no thanks" last year, is the team that he goes back to. Like the girlfriend that breaks your heart, you go back with your tail tucked between your legs. And spare me all this "he wants to win" bullsh*t. Rather than stick with a team that just left the World Series 5 minutes ago, you go the easy route, Lebron style. This is a move that a Darren Oliver, Trevor Hoffman, Andy Pettite, or some other old fart would make to have a last chance of winning a title. Thats when this is OK but not when you're in your prime. Have a back bone and a competitive spirit and challenge yourself in a smart way. Don't take the escalator when theres a few stairs in the way. My gosh, show a pair!! (of f*cking balls)

If you want a legacy and want to be one of the greatest of all time, which all signs pointed to Lee wanting to be this guy, you play for a team where you make a difference. Take a city somewhere its never been....to the promise land. Prove critics wrong and show that you're human by staying close to home or make a honest decision. Stop making decisions based on money that you'll never spend or making excuses that you want to "win". You can win anywhere, the 2010 Rangers are a good example. This was a chicken shit move to say the least. Lee wasted Texas' time as we watched other solid free agents drive by in the other direction. We wined and dined this guy and he takes off to the ex girlfriend. Real sweet move Lee, thanks for giving me another reason to hate Philadelphia. I hope you freeze your ass off up there and I'll enjoy watching you and the Heat lose this season.

And oh yea, thanks for falling apart in the World Series you bum......... "But Tony, if it wasn't for Lee, you wouldn't have been in the World Series". Save your breath. The Mavericks once made it to the finals too, you know what we call them? Not champions.

The Best Cereal Ranking Blog of All Time.......

Often under appreciated, it's been a part of our lives forever. Im talking about cereal here people, so here's my rank of all time best cereals. You may disagree, but you're probably a cereal snob and only eat Raisin Bran or Wheat Chex....something boring like that. So here we go, in particular order.

1o. Cookie Crisp. You dont hear much about this classic these days. Maybe it's because it's basically chocolate chip cookies in a bowl of milk. Parents must frown upon that these days.







9. Honey Comb. Not only are these delicious, but have you noticed that you can get a HUGE box for a reasonable price. This one is tops in value, but value doesnt taste good. So wear this number 9 spot, Honey Comb.








8. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The funny thing is that I only like cinnamon on 2 things. Rolls and CTC.










7. Apple Jacks. Go ahead, tell me that they taste anything like apples, you'll be a liar. Nontheless, delecious.










6. Cocoa Puffs. Whats awesome about this? Oh, I dont know, maybe the free chocolate milk you get after 2 bowls. Coo Coo for CoCo Puffs.









5. Fruity Pebbles. The only reason these aren't ranked higher is because once they get soggy, they're hard as hell to catch on the spoon and eat. These are best freshly poured and crispy.








4. Frosted Flakes. Theyyyyy'rrrrrrrre Grrrrrrrreat. But not the greatest. This is about the most "plain" that I'll get on the cereal front.








3. Lucky Charms. "Rubbings Racing". Thats what the leprechaun told Tony the Tiger during this race when he took the 3 spot. It was a close finish. When I was a kid I would eat all the boring parts first and leave the marshmallows until the end.








2. Cap'n Crunch Berries. Sometimes these bad boys are a little rough and rub the inside of your mouth. But the tasty berries even it out.









1. Marshmallow Fruit Loops. You take the wonderfulness of toucan sam, and throw in a bit of Lucky Charms greatness, you get this master piece. I hope the guy who came up with this idea is sitting in a corner office at the Kellogg's headquarters.

Rangers, the Mavs and Cowboys welcome you to their club.....

Series 3-1 in favor of the giants.

As much as I should be happy just to have made it here, I'm raging on the inside and I want to drive to SF and punch someone in the face!! There's been a ton of missed opportunities and with the exception of game 3, we havent even shown up. After taking down the Rays and the Evil Empire in style, we're now struggling against a team of no names that are making themselves known at our expense.

Lets first talk about the media and how they forecasted the series before it began. A majority of them picked Texas because of the offense and the arms. So theres 2 questions to ask yourself based on what we've seen so far:

1. Is the SF pitching really this good? And if so, the media has been "pitching wins championships" for years, so why didnt they see this coming?

or

2. Did the Ranger offense choke with the pressure of the big lights and have they completley forgot how to hit? Was the fact that the media picked them too much for texas

I'll go with a perfect mix of both.... But why is it that it takes a meeting with the Rangers for the giants to start hitting like the all stars?

Secondly, how many f$%king breaks are the giants going to get? I mean really? This is getting ridiculous. The giants fans back home have to be wondering why these wins are coming so easily. Did they sell their soul? Lets go through a list of breaks these clowns have recieved......

1. Game 1. After going 7-0 in the postseason with numbers threatening the greatest post season numbers of all time, Cliff Lee promptly goes and gives up 5 in a game 1 loss.

2. Sanchez's gets his first double of the night with a hit down the right field line that hits the chalk. Posey then gets a blooper over Kinsler to bring in the first run. Oday comes in and opens the flood gates and gives up 11 total runs to a team that didnt score more than 5 in a game all postseason!!!!!

3. Game 2, Kinsler hits a shot to center that goes off TOP of the wall and comes back in. Im still trying to figure that one out. I paid attention in physics class, and that doesnt make sense.

4. Derek Holland comes in with a 2-0 sf lead. Then proceeds to throw 12 out 13 pitches for balls. Walking in 2. Then Lowe (who hasnt thrown all post season) gives up more. The game by this time is out of hand. 9-0 giants. Refer to the no-more-than=5 runs in a postseason game stats above.

5. Game 3. Rangers hitting into 4 double plays that kept the game closer than it shouldve been. We made Uribe and Renteria look like Mike Schmidt and Cal Ripken Jr this series.

6. Game 4. Sanchez snow-cones a definite RBI chance by Francoeur in the 3rd. Dont know how.

7. giants player called safe at first on a could-be double play by texas but the ump blows the call. He doensnt score thanks to a Hamilton play in cf, but it effects the pitch count and makes hunter work.

8. Torres hits a ball down the right field line and off the base making it unplayable for Moreland resulting in a double. Huff then delivers a shot to right field making it 2-0 giants.

9. Shot down the line for Renteria goes off the webbing of Youngs glove at third. Getting a runner on that promptly scores a few plays later.

10. Torres hits a ball to right center that misses being a ground rule double by 2 inches. If it wouldve bounced over, renteria wouldnt have scored.

9. In the 8th, Andrus gets called out at first when he was obviously safe. Ump blowing one earlier in sf's favor, blows another in....well....sf's favor.

10. Our best righty in relief, Agando, goes out with a muscle strain. Done for the post season.

11. Posey goes deep to CF. Hamilton starts a casual jog backward thinking its an easy out, but the ball keeps floating and makes it out of the ballpark. But Francouer jacks one to left the next inning that looks gone. But a magical gust of san francisco wind hits it dies into Ross' glove. Couldve been a huge HR.

12. Not so much a break, but we make a f$%king rookie look like Sandy f$%ing Koufax out there in the WORLD SERIES! Are you telling me that we couldnt get at least one rally together vs. this guy? We let him come into our house and dominate? Unbelievable!!

Yea, Yea, Yea, its great that we made it this far. But dont hit the f$%king brakes just because we made it to the World Series!!! We look like Rookies out there. But not san fran rookies, Texas rookies!!

Another Dallas team bites the dust in extraordinary fashion. After the opportunity to finally give the city of Dallas a team that can actually come through, they collapsed. Theyve failed to show up and have only challenged the giants once in a series where a majority of the national media picked us to win. Im not saying its over and Cliff Lee may go out and get a win tomorrow. But going back to san fran looks dreary. And by the looks on the Rangers faces and the bats, they're done. I would love to congratulate them on a great season, but its just too hard to do that right now. I'd love to be eating Crow next week if we come back and win this thing but it's unlikely.

Lets take a look at the past few season of Dallas sports and how we've collapsed:

2006: Romo botched fg hold in Seattle.
2006: Mavs collapse in the finals after being up 2-0. I could talk about this one all day but Im already pissed enough.
2007: #1 seed Mavs collapse to a golden state #8 seed. I dont think Baron Davis missed a shot in that series.
2007: After sweeping the giants in the regular season, the Cowboys lose to NY in the playoffs after going 13-3.
2008: Mavs first round exit to the Hornets. David West slaps Dirk in the face and we just sit there and take it, Dallas style.
2008: Cowboys play Philly in the play in game for the playoffs. We get crushed 44-6. This after getting beat by Baltimore the week before in the So-Long-Texas Stadium game. Way to pay your respects Cowboys.
2009: Mavs lose in Playoffs to the Denver Thugges. Game 5, carmelo hits a dagger 3 after an obvious foul when we had one to give.
2010: Mavs lose to a lesser Spurs team in the first round by letting a rookie, George Hill, torch us all series. We were the #2 seed losing to a #7 seed.
2010: Cowboys are 1-6 after being a preseason favorite to go to the superbowl.
2010: These Rangers. After beating the 2nd and 3rd best teams in baseball to get to the World Series, we dont even show up vs. the Giants. Done.

Now on to the NBA season. I'm interested in seeing how the Mavs will blow it this year. Im sure by either a first round exit to a team not as good as them, or in the conference finals by getting pummeled.

Its the Dallas way....... But I love my teams, thats why it sucks so much!

Rangers Win The Pennant!

So we've done it! Arod finally came through for us and took a K looking to send the Rangers to the World F'ng Series. This blows any Cowboys super bowl or Mavs finals run out of the water. The Cowboys were winning when I was too young to appreciate it and the Mavs have been relevant the past 10 seasons so it was bound to happen. But the Rangers......the Texas Rangers, finally got it done. After years of suffering and watching top prospects and great players come and go, they finally came through. Because my mind is going 100 mph and I cant put solid sentences together to write paragraphs that make any sense, I'll put my thoughts in list form. In no particular order, here's my observations of the Rangers franchise and this magical season:

1. Not to take ANYTHING away from this team, but this one's for Juan Gonzalez, Dean Palmer, Julio Franco, Geno Petralli, Steve Beuchele, Rafael Palmeiro, Pudge Rodriguez, Rusty Greer, Kevin Elster, and Mark Mclemore. These are players I grew up watching at Arlington Stadium and the Ballpark in Arlington. I bet these guys are pumped to see Texas finally make it.

2. The yankee fans are a joke and a disgrace. Why would anybody (cliff lee) want to go there and deal with that. I don't care how many statues are beyond the outfield wall, F that team.

3. Mitch Moreland was the best call up of the entire season. Great on Defense and he's had some huge at bats. Chris Davis can crush in the minor leagues but the guy strikes out more than some tool in an affliction shirt at Ghost Bar.

4. Throughout the Ron Washington coke deal, the bankruptcy, the lengthy Nolan/Greenberg thing, and the injuries.....this season was full of drama. I commend the team for sticking with it. Makes for a great story if we can win the whole thing.

5. Just wear the white uniforms at home.

6. It was so awesome to see us win the pennant at home. The fans were going INSANE! Too bad we cant see that same enthusiasm at the AAC or Cowboys stadium, i dont get it.

7. Rangers have the best Home Run celebration in the game. "The Natural" music with fireworks everywhere!

8. Tampa Bay reallllly messed up by mocking the Claw and Antlers thing. TBS caught it on camera a few times and they paid for it in that joke of a stadium in game 5.

9. Cruz can absolutely crush. I cant remember an at bat where he didn't hit a lazer. I just hopes he doesn't go up thinking home run every a.b. in the world series.

10. I've been wanting a SF new era hat for a while but I'll have to hold up on that.

11. TBS broadcasters were awful!!! So obviously rooting for the yankees in games 1-5. It wasn't funny.

12. Nolan holding up the ALCS trophy was the moment that tears filled my eyes. I love that guy. I remember watching him pitch at the old stadium and he would drop curse words after every pitch that wasn't a strike. Classic!

13. Start Vlad, sit Murphy on the road this series.....maybe. I haven't figured that out yet.

14. Cliff Lee is absolutely amazing. He is easily the most clutch Dallas athlete since Troy Aikman. But I'd have to give the edge to Cliff. I keep waiting for someone to hit him hard but it never happens. It blows my mind, he's like a machine.

15. We should be the favorites in this series. But we've been there before. Mavs were the favorites in '06 vs. the Heat, and we all know what happened then.

16. It feels so good for one of our Dallas teams to finally come through. After all the years of heartbreaking chokes, we finally got a team that got it done.

17. The key difference between us and the competition this year, the Rangers actually swing the bat. Other teams are looking to walk while we put up crooked numbers on the scoreboard inning after inning. Combine that with the aggressive base running, we're tough to beat.

18. Yankees payroll was $152 million higher that ours. Yet we dominated them in every aspect of the game. Sorry yankees and phillies, your evil plan backfired. So suck it NY Daily News writer of this article. (For those of you not familiar with the way this works, click on the words "this article".

19. Bring on the Giants.

Lazer Pee

I'll give you a few scenarios guys, then you tell me if you can relate.....

1. Its Tuesday morning, 9:47 a.m. and you just showed up for your job interview at Workforthemaninacubicleyourwholelife Incorporated. You have your sweet ass Banana Republic suit you bought JUST for this interview. You decided to go with beige thinking that everyone else goes black, lets be different! You get to the office and sign in with the receptionist. Then you realize, you have to pee. You find the nearest bathroom and step up to the urinal, rehearsing your lines for this crucial interview. "If you asked a manager about me, they would tell you that Im a team player blah blah blah...." Then, it happens....lazer pee!! Its a phenomenon that is yet to be explained. It goes everywhere! On the floor, your pants, even your brown italian leather slip-ons...pretty much everywhere except the target. You start to panic! "What the fu*k! No!!!" Its crunch time, the interview starts at 10 and you're in the bathroom almost in tears contemplating calling the HR lady and cancelling due to "car trouble."

2. It's morning and you're at your girlfriends apt. You make your daily morning trip to the bathroom. In this situation, you dont get the luxury of a urinal to catch the 6 shooting lazers of fury! So you're still about 57% asleep at this point and you start to pee, it happens. Piss is shooting everywhere like a Pink Floyd lazer light show! All over the seat, which is manageable. But it gets all over the floor; I'm talking a puddle because you cant just stop the stream once it's started. You have to wear it and suffer the consequences. It even sprays over to the shower curtain. This lazer pee has no boundaries and it doesnt care about your feelings. So what do you do? Grab a 6 ft. long piece of toilet paper and start the clean up duties. Trust me, you NEVER get it all and you're gf will wonder what the hell is taking so long.

See, you're not alone guys........

Hey Tony, whats the point? Do you have a resolution to save us all more heartache? Why yes, yes I do. The patented "Hand Block" technique. This is something I've been working on the last year or so and Ive decided to share. This is how it works....hold penis with your left hand, shield pants with you're right. This blocks your pants but also stops excess pee from shooting 3 feet to the right and getting on the magazines. Worst case scenario, you get some on your hand. Calm down guys.....its ok!!! I'll have you know that some of the best athletes in the world pee on their own hands to prevent calluses, e.g. Mariano Rivera, Yankees Closer.....google it if you dont believe me. Plus relax, you go wash it off. I'd rather wash my hands with soap than have a panic attack in a public restroom because it looks like I pissed myself, which I did. Its also better than having to do a full out Mr. Clean on a bathroom.

Roger Goodell = Bill Lumberg

The NFL is proposing taking the season to 18 games. Basically cutting out the Pre-Season. Roger Goodell, his minions, and the owners say that they would approve of the 18 games.......SHOCKER! You mean the owners would be open to extending the season to 18 games because thats what the "fans want"? Let me get out my calculator here....(shuffles office supplies around).....MORE GAMES x MORE FANS + FOAM FINGERS + $22 BEERS + TV SHARE / 3.14 - BRAINS = MORE MONEY! More money equals more suits and more executive suites for the stadium, Yesssss. 99.8% of the NFL players are opposed to it for obvious reasons. 1. Wear and tear on the body (See Brett Favre) 2. Reduces the importance of the regular season games. More games means more losses will potentially get you in the playoffs C. How are the rookies and guys fighting for spots supposed to prove themselves with less or no preseason games? 4. The NFL is actually asking the players to take a pay cut but play more games. What is this, Office Space? "Im gonna go ahead and ask you to come in on Saturrrday....mmkay?" I'm sure that will go over just fine. So considering that there's a potential lockout next season, I'd say it might be a smart idea to do what the players ask. But what do I know, Im just a fan.....

Coming Soon.....My stadium breakdowns and the best NBA play of all time.......and it doesnt involve Jordan.